Ok, it's time for me to post here again. It's been WAY too long. It's not that Ava hasn't been on the forefront of every thought of everyday, it's just that I sometimes don't know what else to say!
But I feel like I have accomplished a few things since the last time I wrote. (I think it was July, yikes!) A few months ago, I accomplished the dreaded task of...holding a baby. It might sound crazy for some of you, but for a momma that has lost her precious baby and only got a few hours to hold her own (forever!) it's a huge milestone. I was so scared that I was going to break down and cry, but he was such a sweetheart that it felt so good to have him in my arms, even for just a few minutes. He wasn't Ava, and I knew that. So it was ok. I think my aching arms really needed it. Thanks J for sharing your sweet little guy with me for a moment : )
October was Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month. I have never heard of this before my own tragedy, but now I cherish it. We participated in two different events to not only honor Ava, but hundreds of other precious babies gone too soo. It meant so much to have our friends and family there to support us and remember Ava.
Now, we enter the dreaded holiday season. Aside from her birthday, I think this will be the hardest obstacle for me. Everywhere we go, everything we do, I just wish she was here to do it too. She is not here to pull on the Christmas Tree, sit on Santa's Lap (and scream hysterically like her big sister) or open her first Christmas present and only be interested in the wrapping. I am missing every single minute of it, and it hurts so much. Yes, I know Ava is in a better place. She is with our creator, who started this all. But I want her here. One day I will see her again.
Love you!!
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